How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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