No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
