Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
