highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Do vagina's smell?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
