I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
