Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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