They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So squirting runs in the family.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
