Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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