At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
