He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
no you cant smoke seaweed
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
