I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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