i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
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Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
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What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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