I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Still dying that you shit outside
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
