He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
