After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
