I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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