So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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