Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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