on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
