come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
