I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
