Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
