She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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