So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
