i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
