Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
