She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
