Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
