Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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