I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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