How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
