I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever