I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
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i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
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She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it