literally had 100 drinks last night.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize