She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
