It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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