I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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