when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
