evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
