whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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