I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
