Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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