Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
