actually, I'm a sock model
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
