He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
