Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
