I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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