So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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