she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
