oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
