his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
