If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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