From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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