There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
