A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
