Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
