im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize