she smelled like a LAN party
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
