My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
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I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
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So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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