Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
