u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
