I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
