Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just had sex on a roof
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
