If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize