I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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