they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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