Sacagawea was the original milf.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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