u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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