Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
