I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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