I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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