C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
